unghh

It's official, I'm sick. Would someone come put me out of my misery? Please?

09/21

Well.... I know what I'm doing on the 21st.

Back home

Fuck I hate airports. Everything about them sucks. Stupid people, very large crowds and waiting. I don't do well with waiting. It drives me crazy. So I get to the airport in Toronto and my flight is delayed as soon as I check in. Luckily the check-in guy took pity on me and put me on standby on the earlier flight. Somehow I managed to actually get a standby seat so I could make it to Chicago on-time so I could catch the connecting flight. However, as soon as I get their I find out that flight is also delayed. Again, I love Chicago. Have I mentioned this before, how much I love that city, how it always seems to get better each time I'm there? Luckily though the flight was only delayed by about a half hour so it wasn't too bad, gave me enough time to grab a little food. Both flights were uneventful which is a very good thing. So now I'm home, glad to be back and hopefully can get back into a normal rhythm. Ok, I'm off to find a quick snack then I think I must go to bed. So very sleepy.

Leaving Canada

I'm all packed and ready to go. I have to say I'm looking forward to being home. Its always good to get away from home and routine to make you miss your normal resemblance of a life. While I've had fun here, it gets old doing everything alone. Most likely the coming weekend will be a whirlwind catching with all the things I left dangling, and catching up with family and friends. Now all I have left in front of me is dealing with the airlines which I know is going to leave me stranded. Maybe I'll get lucky and actually make it to my connecting flight, but I'm not counting on it. Ok, I'm off to get the last few things ready.

Flying Penguin

I've moved forward with my plan. I have bought a domain name and paid for web hosting to try and sell my prints. The website itself is still under development. Hopefully it will be completed in the next couple of weeks. If things go smoothly (which they never do) I hope to have to done by the end of September. I have added a link to the new site which currently is nothing more than a place holder but hopefully I'll have at least a little bit of something up in the next few days while the site is built. Ok, that is all the updates for now. Keep checking back to see the future progress.

I'm so going to do this

This has to be the best prank ever!

A plan perhaps?

I've decided I want to try something new. I really enjoy photography and I think I'd like to test the waters to see if can make any money with it. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not looking to quit the day job, but just something on the side, make a few bucks and get my work known. One day I would like to be good enough to open my own gallery. I know that day is way over the horizon but its still a goal to shoot for. I have a few ideas of how to get started, but nothing concrete yet. I've talked to a few friends to get some input and start putting together a professional looking website in which to start conducting a little business. Odds are this venture won't go very far, but I would still like to see if I can get to at least get a couple of feet of the ground. If I do this I need to invest quite a more time and effort into getting more photos. I need to go out more often, need to get better at my craft and hone my skills. I don't have any dates yet for when anything would be near completion, but I do need to sit down and create a rough time line and set some goals so I can actually stay on track. I have a horrible tendency to get sidetracked and put good ideas on the back burner and forget about them. This is one project I need and want to see to completion. If for nothing else than to just say I did it. What's the worst that could happen if it takes off? I end up quitting my crappy job and doing something I love for a living. How bad could that be? I guess time will tell. If anyone has any advice or comments I'd love to have a chat and hear what you think. As I get more involved in the planning I'll post my progress and hopefully get some feedback on the direction things are going.

Was going to...

I was going to post some thoughts on life today, but the words just won't come out. So instead of getting some insight, you get this. Nothing. Hopefully the words will come soon as I feel I need to get it out. Its been festering for a couple of days now, but every time I try I come up with nothing. I get a million incoherent thoughts that are all jumbled together. Well, I'm going to call it a night and do some reading.

The last couple of days...

I don't want to go to work in the morning nor do I want to stay here. I think I'm ready to go home. At least I only have another few days then I will be on my way home. I am very much looking forward to it. My flight home takes me through Chicago and I know I'm going to miss my connecting flight. I'm actually quite stressed about it. The flights that I was booked on are with different carriers for each leg. First with United, then with American. With the luck I've had with United in the past the plane will be late to leave, cutting my 2 hour time to clear customs and immigration to next to nothing, plus getting back through security at O'Hare is going to take forever. When I flew out the lines to get through the security checks were insane. Would have easily been 60-90 minutes just standing to wait to get into the concourse. I'm fairly confident that I will be stranded there. Nothing about being in Chicago excites me. I've been there before, and have hated it each time even more than the last.

On another note, I picked up The Dark Tower VI: Song of Susannah and started reading it. If you haven't read the Dark Tower series by Stephen King you owe it to yourself to pick it up. Its been the most enjoyable read I've had. Every book is brilliant and holds on to you till the very end and then leaves you wanting more. I'm fortunate in that I started the series after all the books had been published and didn't have to wait the many years for it to be complete.

When I was out looking for this book I ended up at a fairly large mall. It takes going to a mall to make one remember quickly how much they suck. Too many people and screaming kids are a quick way to make one's eye twitch. In my wanderings I found a Wal-Mart and I have to say its not much different than the ones at home. Same people, same crowd, same everything.

Did some laundry, and god I hate laundromats. I miss having my own washer and dryer. I loathe sitting there and waiting. Actually I hate waiting in general so being in a hot place with a bunch of other people waiting for the laundry to be done is just another great way to spend a Sunday afternoon. And to make things worse having to sit in the sun and wait for the bus to take me there is a pain in the ass too. Makes one remember very quickly why they have a car and how much we take for granted the conveniences we have.

Oh well, it will all be over soon. Hopefully I'll get to have some time at home before I get shipped out again. And to be honest hopefully it won't come again. I don't think I much care for this whole traveling for work gig. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just for a short time, but 4 weeks is a long time to be away from everyone. Living in a hotel room sucks, eating at the hotel is expensive and being stranded here without a car sucks, so in general it just sucks. While I did get to come here on the company's dime if it was for a shorter duration it wouldn't be so bad.

Finally

So today was a pretty good day. Made some decent progress on the project I'm working. With the exception I found the worst code I've ever seen in my life. I spent about 3 hours today just trying to clean it up so I could understand what it was doing so I could write it more efficiently. With that 3 hours I spent I only got about half way through it so that should say how bad it is. After work today the VP of the company that I'm working for up here took the team out for dinner and drinks. While most of the people there I don't know very well, it was still good to get out with actual real people and be social rather than being a hermit and sitting in the hotel room. To be honest I almost feel revitalized after it. I think that may be what the mind needed to keep going for another week. While I do enjoy my alone time and require a certain amount of it to keep me sane, I think the last few weeks my balance has been off and that is what has been causing the feelings of dread and doom. Who knows, maybe tomorrow will be back to the same ol', but at least for now I feel like it was a good day.

An end perhaps?

Today seemed to better than the last few. Which really is something of a relief. Other than work stress and realizing that there's not enough time to get done what needs to be done today was a decent day. I think tonight I should just relax and let my mind and body wind down from the events of the last few days. While this sounds like a great plan on paper I doubt it will actually happen. There isn't any reason I shouldn't, I have nothing to do tonight, nowhere to go or even any way to get there but I know I won't, I'll keep myself going right up to the time I should go to bed.

With everything that's been going on I think a drastic change may be in order. I don't know what the change will be or if it will ever happen, but I think something needs to. If I were a rich man or at least had enough money to support myself, that change would include taking a month or two off, doing nothing but revitalizing the mind, body and spirit. I think the majority of the problem lies in the feeling of just being burned out. This whole traveling thing really takes its toll. I know there are people who would disagree, but until you've done it and done it for the amount of time I have in the last few months you can't really say for sure. Maybe all these feelings are just feelings of homesickness, missing "my" things or something like that. Who knows?

When does it end?

Seriously now. How is it that each day can just get worse? Is it just me? Am I being smote for some unknown reason? If I am, what did I do? So here's the problem with today. I went down to the little cafe deal for lunch today. Since I was having so many problems pulling cash out I've decided I'm just going to use the card and use the little bit I pulled out for the necessities that I can't use the card for. I give the card to the cashier lady she does her thing then comes back and says, its been declined. At this point I'm thinking to myself, what the hell now? Has the strip gone out completely now? Am I now completely stranded without anyway to get money? After work I called the bank again to find out what's going on this time they tell me I have a $500 charge pending. What?!?! I haven't charged shit for that much since I've been here. I find out what its for and she tells me that its been charged by the hotel. How the hell does that work when the company's paying for it. So I go down to the front desk to ask about this and the guy there tells me its a $50 per day (yes you read that right, per day) security deposit. So at this point I'm super pissed and trying to hold my temper which I'm really not doing very well at and start laying into this guy. Had I known this upfront I could have said I wouldn't give them my card at check-in and something else could have been arranged. But nope, they failed to disclose this fact to me and authorized $500 against me that locked all the funds I had in my account and then some. After getting into with this guy he finally agrees to post back $400 to my account and the remaining will be the deposit. My question is this. Why does the hotel need 50 bucks a day as a deposit when they are already getting over $100 a day just to stay in a room with a bed, tv and a couple of lamps? Do they really think I'm going to watch that much porn that would necessitate $50 a day? So in the end everything worked out ok, I still don't necessarily agree with the deposit but at least its freed my money back up so I'm not completely screwed. Maybe tomorrow will better. Please?

A simple life?

Why can't things ever be simple? Why does life always have to be such a clusterfuck? So far this Monday has been just about as bad as yesterday was. I finally got a hold of the bank to find out what was wrong with my account. Their reply was "We have no idea." Fanfuckingtastic. They did have a few suggestions, that perhaps the magnetic strip was worn and no longer working properly. So I walked 20 minutes to the nearest ATM (oh, I moved hotels today but I'll get to that shortly) and try it there. Same thing, so I try my regular non-debit card, no go, finally decide to try my actual credit card and it worked. So lovely, I need to have my cards reissued and if I do that I won't have access to said cards until I get home. So at least I finally did get some cash out so I'm not quite so stranded now.

So back to the hotel thing, they moved the office I'm in about 20 miles west. One wouldn't think that so bad except to get there from the first hotel was a $44 cab ride. Fucking hell, I didn't want to drop that kind of cash on a simple trip across town. So here I am now, at a hotel that charges 10 bucks a day just to connect to their internet. Why must these places be so damn cheap? Its not like they aren't raping you enough with the god awful rates they charge to sleep in a bed for one night that they couldn't afford to just give you access included. On top of all that there is not a damn thing anywhere around this place. Its a 20 minute walk to a "mall" that at least a decent grocery store so I can pick up a few things, but that sucks ass when you have lug all that shit back. Ok, I'm done bitching for now.

The troubles of Sunday

I tell you what, today has been one shitty ass day. When I woke up this morning I had no thoughts on how the day would turn out. I figured I'd go check out the Greek Festival that was happening, take a few pics and get something to eat, then come back to the hotel do some laundry then pack my things so I could move to the other hotel. This little plan of mine was soon squashed. Having a mere $9 on me I figured I'd hit the ATM get a little money so I'd have no worries for the day. Well, while trying to pull money out it tells me "DECLINED at the request of your financial institution". WTF?! Why the hell would my bank decline me pulling my money out of my account? Who knows, being Sunday and all I can't call them to find out. And to top things off its 5pm and I finally have an Internet connection again. The damn things been down all day. Oh yes, i did ask the front desk about earlier and they said, its Sunday, not much we can do. you know what you can with your Sunday...? So not only was I stranded at the hotel, I haven't even been able to peruse the pr0n that would have entertained me in my hour of sorrow. So instead of going out and seeing what I can find, I'm stuck at the hotel doing laundry with no cash left over. However on the bright side, while I was doing laundry (would have still been at the festival at this point) it started to rain, at first a little trickle then it really started going. So at least I didn't get stuck out in the rain, but I'm still sitting at the hotel with no money and no food. Pity me.

New photos

I've posted some new pics on my flikr page from my trip today to Niagara Falls. I was going to write about the trip tonight too, but I'm tired and it can wait until tomorrow when I'm doing my laundry. So in the mean time, enjoy the pics and I will grace you with my thoughts on the area tomorrow.

Moved

Ok, I'm officially moving my "official" blog to here for ease of updating. Not that I ever really updated that often before but that was because it was a pain in the ass and AlienCC never created a front end for his Zabotage web portal. His code really was well done, but this is easier to use and gives me more flexibility in how I post. As of recently I've been using myspace blogs but I didn't really like the interface there either, or the fact that I was using myspace, so I'm abandoning it and moving here. Hopefully this will work out better and I'll finally get around to posting more.

Nothing

Lost. Lost in thought, wandering in my own mind, thinking about nothing, about everything. Unable to focus, unable to pick a direction and go. Lost, Wandering, Aimless. Days seem to come and go. No end in sight. One ends, another begins over and over. Restless, can't seem to find my place, my niche so to speak. I wonder if I was on the outside would I like this shell of the person I've become? Would I? I don't know, maybe. Am I really who I say am? Am I just an act to fool the masses? Apathy seems to engulf me. It always has a way of settling in. Making itself feel at home. It has become such a normal feeling I feel like I welcome it anymore. When it does go away I feel lost without. I think too much about what could be, would could be done, great things yet to happen. Soon though my old friend comes back and we settle back into this little slump. This is where its comfortable, where things are known. Always wondering when the next moment of clarity will come, then as soon as it does, wishing it would have stayed away. Lost in my own mind, wondering about things that mean nothing, wondering about nothingness and what that would be like. The thoughts that come are random, always benign, and mostly useless. They serve no purpose, no greater good. They are nothing which is exacly how I feel.

Spuntinni’s

Normally I'm very frugal when it comes to finding something to eat. Today however I thought I'd splurge a bit and try one of the fancier restaraunts in the area. I went to a place called Spuntinni's on the reccomendation of the hotel desk clerk. I have to say it was one of the best meals I've ever had. I had a veal dish with shi'take mushrooms and Italian mashed potatoes. If I was a rich man I'd go there again and sample their other dishes to see if they are just as good. But since I'm not, I doubt I'll be making a return trip which really is too bad. However if you ever find yourself in Toronto make it a point to go to there and have dinner. You won't regret it.

Exploring

I went and wandered around the city today. I made it down to the harbor front on Lake Ontario and the CN Tower. After getting a better feel for the city and actually seeing some of its sites, it feels like a better place. It is a very beautiful city. I feel physically exhausted from my travels today though. The CN tower was amazing. The views from there were incredible. It would have been much better had it not involved standing in lines to go up to observation decks for 90+ minutes. I loathe standing in lines. Nothing makes me crankier than standing that close to people I don't know for extended periods of time. While I was at the lower observation deck I decided to grab a quick bite to eat and admire the views. I have to say it was one of the best bowls of french onion soup I've had to date. I managed to take nearly 230 pictures today with my new camera. The more I use this camera the happier I am I bought it. Was worth every penny. If you'd like to check out a sample of the shots I took head over to http://www.flickr.com/photos/kazen/ and don't forget to let me know what you think.

The big "T"

I've been in Toronto for a few days now. Haven't gotten around the city much except for between work and the hotel which are about a block away from each other. It's nice having a 5 minute commute to work. So far the city seems nice, it stills seems angry and hostile to me, but I'm pretty sure its just being in a new place where I am out of my comfort zone. Even still though I don't care for this city as much as I did Sydney. It's not as clean, the people aren't as friendly and just doesn't have the same ambience. I always joke about moving to Cantanadia, but after being here I don't think it would happen. I did wander around the city a bit today after work. Didn't make it very far, only three or four blocks away from work, but enough to see a bit more of the downtown area. I finally started seeing some good looking chickas there. Before that I was starting to wonder if they even existed up here. At least there are a few floating around. Ok, time for a shower and get ready for bed, get to do it all over again tomorrow