Lost

My thoughts wander from one place to another. I feel adrift in a sea of confusion. I wish things could be different, the timing better, the feelings not to end. I'm happy for what I had, and shall cherish those memories forever, but now its over and I'm alone. I look forward and can't see anything. Nothing is there but darkness. I turn around and see what was there and it tears me apart. I wish I could go back and live every moment again.

Never before have I let someone go when I still loved them. I've always waited until long after it should have ended, and tortured myself because I was afraid of being alone. While I can't compare this to anything else, and while I know it was the right thing to do, it doesn't make it feel any better. I feel like I've lost a huge part of myself. I feel as if the world may collapse at any moment and swallow me whole. I wish it didn't have to end, I wish it could work, I wish I could put things right.

As I sit here writing this I hope for the future. I hope that time will heal the wounds I've caused. I hope that one day it could happen freely, without fear, and without doubt. Never in my life have I met a woman with whom I felt completely comfortable with. Who I could say anything to, share anything with, and love so deeply.

I fear not knowing the future. I'm afraid we'll never have the chance to find out for sure. I'm afraid of losing a friend. I'm afraid of the darkness.