Precarious

I want something I can't have. I can't stop thinking about it. No matter how hard I try its always right there, but yet I don't want it to go away. If it did I think I would feel like I've lost something that I could never get back, and that thought scares me. I feel as if I'm torturing myself. This is no ones fault but my own. I've brought this upon myself. As hard as I tried to not go down this path here I stand anyway. I don't know which way to turn. I don't know how to stop. The more I think about it, the more I covet. I know its wrong, yet that does not change it, it still has me trapped. I don't want to make the same mistakes of the past, I can't do that again. Yet I can't help but think that maybe this time it would be different. Deep down, I know it wouldn't, it would end up exactly the same.

So alone I sit and think, and wonder, and want. For the time being I've kept myself from going down the wrong path. I can see part of the way down it, and it looks so inviting, so tempting, so warm. My desire to put one foot in front of the other is so strong, its hard to stand still and merely just observe. Why do I keep finding myself in places like this? How is it that I seem to keep repeating the same things over and over again? Why for once, can't I have what I want?