Lost

I have so much on my mind that I don't even know where to start. I feel lost and alone and that the world is against me. I feel as if I'm being punished for something I've done in the past. I know I'm not perfect, but I can't figure out what I've done to deserve this.

I had a dream the other night. In this dream everything I have been working for, and wanting had come true. I felt as if my life was finally complete and that I was whole. I wanted more than anything for the dream to never end and for it to be reality. The exact memory of the dream is now lost to me, yet I can still recall a vague memory which I long for. The sense of belonging it gave me is now gone and I want it back. I know there is no way I can get it back, I know that the chances of my life working out the way it did in my dreams is so distant I shouldn't even dwell on it, but I can't stop. I can remember how it made me feel, and I want that feeling back. I want to make my dream, my reality.

I'm trying to stay optimistic about things, but I don't know if I can keep it up much longer. The dark places in my mind seem to be overtaking anything good that I can think of. I can feel myself slipping down in a dark place that I don't think I've ever been too before. I've been to the darkness in my mind before, but this one seems worse than the others. It feels more oppressive, thicker and that if I let myself fall I may never come back from it. I feel as if I'm actually losing grip on who I am. It scares me and I don't know what to do to make it stop.