I've lost my will to carry on. I no longer care about life's little trivialities. My apathy has reared its ugly head again. It has stormed over me like a tsunami. It stands by my side and holds my hand and I no longer care about anything. I don't want to get up to go to work. I don't want to play any of the 3 games I've started. I don't want to be social. I just want to lie down and sleep. Nothing more, nothing less. I'm too lazy to look for another job to try and fix my predicament. I'm too lazy to get out and try to find other things. I just don't care. No part of me cares at this moment. If I could slip away without being noticed I would, but I know that's not an option. Even still that would take effort and is something I am currently lacking. I know it will pass, it always does, but this case seems to be worse than usual. Maybe its just me not remembering how it feels, but I don't think so. I don't remember a time when I've been this bad about everything. Even writing this is making me think too much, but it is helping.
The world spins around me and I sit and watch. I see the little people going about their daily lives. I see the people that pretend to be happy and I wish I could be one of them. Maybe I will find that fake happiness one day. Maybe it will wash over me but I won't hold my breath. Nothing ever comes this way.
I sit here thinking of the what-ifs and makes my sink further into the hole. I've started thinking a lot about something in my past. A time when I thought I was happy. I don't know what started me thinking about it, but it seems to consume me. I can't get it out of my head. I know that if I would have stayed where I was at the time, and been herded down the path of society I would still be unhappy. Most likely would be worse off than I am now. I know this, yet I can't stop thinking about it. I wonder silently to myself what it would have been like, how things would have ended up and if I'd be the same person I am now.
3 comments:
What if I cum on your face? will that make you get off your ass and be social again? well... you might want to clean the cum of your face first, wouldn't want you going to work with cum in your hair.
Apathy has a fine distillery, I quite enjoy their finer bottles. The tend to last a bit longer.
Pretending to happy is never better than being pissed or depressed and not hiding it. It's fake. It's never good to be fake. Granted, in an average work day there are times when you have to be fake, but the rest of the time just be how you are and how you feel.
Fuck 'em if they don't like it.
seems like i'm not the only one suffering the general malaise right now eh? what is it about things that just ..suck.
maybe we should hang out sometime soon and drink the sorrows away.
my problem is i'm feeling that apathetic, but i'm too busy to live it.
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