rambling

I'm so very tired yet I can't sleep. Again I'm faced with the racing mind. The mind that will not quit. Its the same as it always is. So in lieu of actually sleeping I thought I'd hop on here and ramble some.

My mind slips endlessly into oblivion. Never stopping to consider the consequences. It craves the unknown, yet fears change. It wanders to and fro never quite climaxing to a complete point. At the verge of epiphany a new thought will come in. The endless cycle repeats. So many new things have come into play recently it really is no wonder that this is happening. Even with acknowledging these thoughts and fears they don't quiet down. They seem to fester more and more with each day. I wish it would just stop. I wish there was a way I could figure out how to make it do as I say.

What I don't understand is even when I have a really good days like I did this weekend, I still end up like this at the end of the night. Perhaps I need a little more peace in my life to figure my mind out. Perhaps I need some time of personal reflection and discovery. Would that actually help? Probably not because I'd just find a way to talk myself out of doing it. It always seems to be the way of me. I come up with a great idea to make myself a better person, yet I don't have the ambition or motivation to follow through. I wish I could go to the store and buy some motivation then maybe I'd actually feel like I could accomplish something.